Archive for February, 2012


Looking

Brown eyes

Reflected light from somewhere

Saw light in those dark pools

Shine only matched

By that of her hair

I dreamed this

And it happened,

Truth in her heart and her words

my vision,

My love

My reason

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Elemental

No matter how far I sit in the shadows

or the distance from in them I came

you have always listened and reached out

even on days when I’ve cursed my own name

….

Like Earth, Air, Fire, and Water

you’re always there, always the same

wipe away tears, tell I’m good enough

even when the rules have changed in the game

….

I can always make you out in the dark

always see you, no matter how hard in rains

The demons that haunt me, the ones that taunt me

they don’t bother you, nor does my pain….

….

You’re never afraid to speak yourself clean

never afraid when I circle the drain

You cry with me, hold on with me

we look together, you assure me it won’t stain…

….

and it never has, because of you

never will, you chase away the blue…

you’re the vine I reach for when the rapids increase

you’re the rung I reach for when the hold has been breached

you’ve saved my life more times than I can count

I hope I’m your life preserver just once if  your troubles mount….

…..

forever always there like minerals under crawling streams

like ancient  sands on the beach reflecting the sun’s sheen

like the mountains that only disappear when they themselves decide it’s time

like the sky, always there, always beautiful, always mine…..

 

 

Instant

I notice things,

and things do spark

her eyes caught me

despite being brown in the dark

and a scent

not in the air

but belonging to her

stopped heart, felt as if I were dared

I notice things

the first words she wrote

electronic compassion

keyboard, message, note

and the first phone call

nearly killed me

try to breath while drowning

then you will see

what it’s like to say what you’ve only thought, only typed…..

….

I notice things

it’s hard not to

when a presence demands you

attention head to toe and through

you walk away

head down, bleeding from the eyes

and the heart, it seems,

the stab of goodbye…

what it’s like to say what you’ve never wanted to say….

I notice things

without her, there’s no color

sound is flat, food has no taste

I began to smother

from the beginning

into her pocket

I was grabbed, folded and inserted

and did nothing to stop it

for I did not want to.

it was immediate.

it was Instant.

 

I have been known

I’ve been known a time or two

to go back to that sad place….

“don’t do that” she says…

fingerprint smeared with salty tear….

hands brushing back the lock

her own eyes locked on mine…

…..

there’s walls in here, guarding a monster or two

a mind that opens closet doors, letting them out

manufactured scenarios fly like debris in the breeze

expecting the worst case scenario without a doubt

…..

I’ve been known a time or two

to make that red-cheeked sad face

“are you okay, honey” she says….

angelic smile beckoning me back…..

soul kissing mine, warming me up

her forehead connected to mine

……

For once, it’s heaven out here

my mind feels a bandage applied

manufactured scenarios told to hush

the worst case scenario has gone to die

…….

“For the first time in 25 years, I don’t feel like I’m alone….”

-David Norris

“The Adjustment Bureau”

Filter

Life has always had a way

of making me look over my shoulder

checking the exits and entrances

making me feel so much older

…..

It’s dealt out blows since I was a kid

one after the other, on top of the first

Life had a way of turning  smiles to doubt

Losing my fear of death’s kiss

…..

But the bad isn’t so bad any more

because everything that transpires

must pass before or through her now

and she makes it easier, she puts out fires

…..

The drama and the hooded beings

that came for me in the night

I am not seeing them any more

I am losing my dread, my hatred, my fright

……

I can live to fight another day

because she sheds light on the darkest nights

I am prepared, somehow to say

I can deal and exist instead of fight

…..

and I have my smile again

this time it isn’t faked or displayed

she is the filter all things past through

and I am less and less afraid….

I don’t care for the thought

of disappointing you

or letting you down

…..

I can’t handle the idea

of you looking at me

with anything other

than rose colored glasses, sweet like molasses

…..

I couldn’t be happy

with much less

than me being the one

that’s made you happier than you’ve even been

now, then, and again

…..

I am not perfect at all

I’ve been flawless and I’m raw

Like Lucifer before his fall

Jet black foggy angelwings

…..

all chipped teeth on this saw

…..

But I am yours, kneeling down

and I will drown for you

and bleed for you

…..

Carry you if I can….

There are moments….

Sometimes I think you’re an image
created by my mind
A fantasy of sensual perfection
who offers me her time
Sometimes I wonder if it’s all real
when you look at me
A fantasy of love and compassion
you offer me what I need
Sometimes I fear you disappearing
like a mist fades into night
A fantasy cut short in front of me
like a switch turns off a light
Sometimes I want to hold on to you
and never let my grip loose
A fantasy of warmth in my arms
that I can’t afford to lose

Like a drug

Hooked

from the moment I first took in her scent

saw her eyes, the look she lent

I had already been addicted to the way my eyes see

the way she worried about me.

Addicted

Now I feel her hair in my face in the gloom

dark brown, somehow as dark as the room

I never knew how good I could feel, breathless

the way she lets me hold her, 4 am in Texas

Unbridled

I have never known this, what she wants to do

it’s all so overwhelming, all so goddamn new

I can’t breathe, or keep my face straight and rigid

She waits for my heart, keeps my soul from going frigid

Elemental

The pull, from her to me, from myself to she

There’s no denying the attraction, no calling the love fancy free

I have never seen anything undeniable, or felt this kind of real

I feel myself strengthening

quickening

like a downhill rolling wheel…..

accelerating

towards what I wanted to be, always wished to feel.