Archive for March, 2012


Narrative

 

 

I’m feeling lyrical

and you’re my text

writing a song about you

would never be second best

…..

and I don’t play an instrument

but my pen never runs low on ink

paper will always get filled

as long as I’m able to think

…..

there’s doorways I am afraid of

ones people can walk through

I never want to be near one

when I’m standing next to you

…..

the narrative’s a mile marker

please take them from me

take them with a smile

…..

I feel like looking over my shoulder

to protect what’s mine

what I fought to grab hold of

with a grip that’s strong, but fine

…..

don’t blame me, sweet love

for being unsure, for being afraid

with time, with days, with love,

I am sure that will definitely fade.

…..

I know I have doubts deep inside

and the expressions from my heart unfold

the narrative about you starts to fly

the pieces build the pieces as I grab hold

…..

my pen and my keyboard:

chapters, stones on the ground, security

…..

the narrative’s a mile marker

please take them from me

take them with a smile

 

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Do I Shine?

I’ve never felt what she’s given me

Without asking for anything in return

I’ve never felt a rebirth or change

that didn’t come with a burn

before her….

……..

so tell me,

do I shine?

……..

I’m not who I once was

I’d break before I’d bend

she’s sanded down my edges

and propped me up again

it’s all her….

…….

so inform me,

do I shine?

……..

do I glow now, do I smile?

others have told me it’s true

they’ve seen the changes I’ve only felt

let me know I look like I’m new

lit by her….

……..

so show me,

do I shine?

….

hung up wet

I’ve felt the sting of reaching

the thud of wondering

neither one is something I need to feel again

…..

Oh, I know what I’ve got

and I need her every day

I don’t want the sweat and the tears again

…..

She’s like an olive skinned genie

who knows what it  is I need

possessing the answers to my questions

I want her to myself

and she doesn’t begrudge me my greed

…..

A dizziness that overcomes me

a shaking in my spine

A mystery presented only to me

I did everything I could to solve

and she’s since become mine

…..

She’s fine with everything

that’s wrong with me

…..

I’ve never felt what she does

with lightning, with the sky

She’s in control with her eyes

I’ve never been here before

Must be what it’s like to be high

…..

I’ll do what I need to hold on

Letting go is never a choice

Slow motion, flying brunette hair

quiet laugh with her whole body

and I feel like one of her toys

…..

She’s fine with everything

that’s wrong with me

……

She’s undertow

and I’m going down

I’m wearing a smile

as light reflects off her crown

…..

through the blue deepening water

she smiles down at me

and I will sink with happiness

as long as this is her sea.

Like a drug

You can have me running hot

and send me down the cloth to sleep

I’ve needed you since day one began

an addiction that runs deep

 

…..

I don’t want a methadone

never want to go to rehab

Haven’t experimented with anything else

since the day you reached out and grabbed

…..

You’re like a medicine

for every pain I’ve had

every heartbreak that lingers up in my head

you chase away the angry, beaten, and sad.

…..

and there’s no need for mirrors

syringes, straps or spoons

you’re the only fix I’ve ever seen

that requires nothing else from sun to moon

…..

but you

…..

You’re like a drug

that I can’t live without

and I’ve felt withdrawal

until the pain made me shout

…..

You’re like a drug

that makes me feel like a boy

and there’s no side effects

but smiles, contentment, and joy

Lest I Forget

I’ve not forgotten the delicate flower

that was the balance of hanging on

the coldness of sweat

and the moist heat of tears

and the nerve racking days dragging on

…..

or how I wanted to soldier for you

…..

And I know how good I have it

dark or light, good or bad

as I am lying next to you

smelling your skin and hair

I can’t help but feel nothing but glad

…..

and I need to be bolder for you

…..

I will never take for granted

who you are and who you’ve been

I’ve seen the light in your eyes

Felt the pain of your goodbye

and bringing that back would be a sin

…..

and I am the heart holder for you

…..

This is a kind of heaven

one I’d give all other eternities for

I need to take a look around

See it there, stand my ground

and know I need nothing more

…..

and continue to grow older with you

 

 

There’s a time, every now and then

You want something to hit you hard

front center, direct

…..

There are days, here and there

You don’t want to play guessing games

have it come correct

…..

There were moments, from time to time

I wanted absolute flawlessness

try to touch perfect

…..

she’s a menthol throat

she’s a rug burn

…..

and in that energy, she’s defect free

…..

and she’s a shock to the system

always was and still is

breathing is tough in the most wonderful way

I’ve never had sleep keep me awake

Until her, was never obsessed with the end of the day

……

and she’s lightning and ice water

is right now and always will be

goosebumps from her name, in the most beautiful way

I’ve never been infatuated with it all being “okay”

Until her, I’ve never been willing to pay for another way

…..

to smell her

to see her

before me

…..

She’s adrenaline

She’s a blow to the teeth

in the most wonderful way

Like Dean Martin said

ain’t love a kick

I’ll take it every day

Channel

There’s sometimes communications

not from another planet

but from the same blanket

…..

There’s broadcasts sparking

from me to her

and back again

…..

There’s signals flowing

back and forth like the ocean

interpretation needs to be correct

…..

and we find ways

and will continue to find them

because we know we need to

…..

We don’t turn the channel

just because there’s static

the sound can be painful

and often erratic

……

but if you listen

there’s a song buried inside it

and once it’s rectified

it is sung together

and clear as day

…..

We won’t end the broadcast day

if signals need to fly

we found out what it’s like to do that

and found the reason why

it’s wrong indeed

……

clear cable connection

is all we need.

 

 

Limitations

I often feel like

that mentioned “struggle”

It seems for every smiling turn

there’s a storm through which I huddle

I look for you through the flying darts

I know I seem like a frightened child

I really wish I could take my edges

make them less sharp

my acid more mild.

 

…..

I don’t know how you do it

I need your arms like a wrapping blanket

I hope to offer the same to you

port in a storm

shelter like an embankment

…..

because relief is often temporary

but the source is forever

With Every Breath

I really am sorry

for sometimes overthinking

…..

I’m trying to right a ship

that isn’t close to sinking

…..

I wonder in the dark

as I wander in the dark,

it’s night in here, like an evening with no stars

I make you out in the murk anyway

the sound of my fears mixed with distant cars

…..

and it echoes in my head;

all I will ever want to be

is everything you will ever need

…..

with every breath

I can’t help but worry sometimes

when I’ve come so far, inside and on the map,

to be here and now at your side

…..

“I’m sorry” is a phrase often spoken

when I am trying to fix

something that isn’t broken

…..

and I know

tears fall too easily from my eyes

I sometimes hold on too tight,

tighter than I realize

…..

There’s a clock ticking somewhere

I hear the ceiling fan so soothingly spin

as I softly stroke your hair in the dark

hesitant to wake you by touching your skin

…..

with every breath,

I am sometimes very haunted

by the image of you being gone

because you’re all I ever wanted

…..

I’m not going anywhere

I need to keep your hand in mine

that’s why I apologize

if it seems like I’m too near all the time

…..

Please forgive me

for the invading smile

when I know you’re not looking

but you catch me once in a while

…..

with every breath

I am deeply and harshly aware

of how lucky I am

that you’re lying next to me there

…..

and I mix the occasional apology

with displays of affection

and terms of endearment

that I toss in your direction

…..

You’re the one thing that’s always been there

circling outside my knowledge

since the day I was born

I’ve been waiting on a metaphysical bridge

…..

with every breath,

I realize that what we haven’t had

is what we were born for

and it’s here now, and I’m glad

…..

and you’ve never stopped

giving me soft, whispered, and  gentle relief

when I open up the closet door

and you see my confidence removed by a thief

…..

so I guess I’ll apologize

a whispered “Sorry” once more

because I’m slowly learning

there’s nothing to be sorry for.

 

 

POV

and I see

a canopy, dark brown….I swear there’s stars in there

 

I want to ask what she’s thinking

because it looks complex

and I see

a challenge, olive smooth….I know there’s heaven in there

a direct lay down of the gauntlet

to all that’s beautiful

and I see

there’s nothing more glorious than this

looking up into nothing better

knowing it belongs to me

and wants to…..