Archive for June, 2012


Lucky

There were times as a child
I’d pull out paper and lay down ink
Hoping flourishes and flares
Would make something giant
Would make people think

My drawings weren’t great
Many times were just rehashed
Those flicks of the wrist
And rubbings of graphite
More often than not wound up in the trash.

But every once in a while
The planets would align
What showed through in that notebook
Would be so much better than other times

I’d say “I got lucky”
What else could one say
When some sort of minor miracle
Came out of my pencil that day?

God creates so much
Day in and day out
Many killers, destroyers, and evil
Create perfections doubt

But there are moments
There are people
That never came of a mold
Because there was nothing
That came close to them
From the moment they were a day old

You’re the best thing that’s happened to me
You’ll never look at yourself the way I see
And god himself I’m quite sure
Scratches his own head
Looking at you and the perfection he created amongst such dread

Yes, I’m positive that when he saw you’re glorious way
God looked at you upon your birth
And said “I got lucky today”

Our Next Moment

Being close is a dream come true
You’re in my arms, and I can be right

Being close feels like something new
I don’t feel okay when I go without you

You’ve ruined me for beauty in the world
I don’t think much of flowers anymore
They aren’t much held up to you

Being close has become a state of mind
A goal I reach for, a golden time

Being close is you and myself
I don’t need to be anything other than me,
You don’t make me have to try

You’ve spoiled me with what wonder is
I don’t need anything else anymore
Nothing’s much held up to you

And I wait with bated breath for out next moment, our next glance

The next time I make you tingle or laugh
I wait long and hard for my next chance

Frances, I truly know how lucky I am to have you as my life mate, and I want you to know that our next moment makes all of the ones leading up to it worthwhile…..

I Wish I Knew

I wish I knew
How to do this right,
how to make things not a struggle
so hot to not want to look at myself and fight

I see your loveliness
Don’t think I don’t
don’t think I’ve lost faith in you
or that I’ve nothing left for you to own

I have this thing called us
I’m always holding it in my hands
so tight I fear maybe I’ll suffocate it
right here where I stand

I can’t overthink you out of my life
my soulmate, my friend, my wife
So afraid of everything but my own strength
I wish I knew how to make it right

standing tall in the breeze
looking 40 years down the road
ignoring the here and now
for doubts of what the future holds

Forgive me for pushing you away
I see doors closing when I look your way
I fear tracks covered by snow behind me
and dying a thousand deaths today

I wish I knew how to break a circle
with no crack or seam to stick something in
to pry it apart
and end this dreadful sin

I wish I knew
How to not be me today

There are times

there are times
when i read you wrong
took what you said as something else

there are times
when you think my silence
is a sign that im falling into a well

there are dreams
where things that happen
Are pretty much my version of hell

Please hold on
Sweat on our bodies, sweat on our fingers
Don’t let go

Because they don’t get more loyal than me
And no one loves this hard
You can’t get more devoted than me
We fought so hard, came so far

Don’t let go
Don’t release your grip on me
Don’t think I’m not holding on
Don’t Let me fly free

Don’t walk away

Don’t leave me be

There are songs that give me a feeling. The feeling, again, that we just missed each other 25 years ago, by a couple of years and about 250 miles….
There are several….”Take These Things For Granted”, of course. A beautiful, melancholy, wrenching song that has always pulled at my heartstrings….

Here’s one other….

No Matter what
No matter how far
you can always reach for me in here
and when things spiral, get dark, or rough around the edges
I will always reach out to you

We can fix anything
We are each other
No matter what

We don’t like those moments
We don’t like them at all
but we always let each other know and find a way
to get through it
we make “awkward” fall

We are each other
and when we aren’t quite right
No Matter What
We meet each other in the hall.

Today, Tomorrow, Frances

Her Songs


dusk is around the corner

and I said goodbye

missing her before the phone even clicked

stumbling toward the bed, after starting that playlist

can’t decide if it soothes or makes me sick
……

dimly lit dark,  fading scent of vanilla

still sweating from her voice

missing her harder as I hit the sheets and the chords start
……

I can make out the textured tiles through Skunk Anansie,  one or two missing

she had looked at them once from the crook of my arm

and it still smells like her in here, I can see her missing things in the corner

hoping to fall asleep before that damn song starts

The one that tells it all with a jab to the heart
…….

It makes me simultaneously smile and cry

to know I love someone this much that it hurts this bad

to remember when she was here

laughing with me, crying with me, sleeping in a ball in my lap
……

I believe there’s a part of me still there

a residual haunting

I’m walking the floor up there, Christmas still in the air

happy as hell, and sad as heaven

Waiting…..

like I was then
\

Dedicated to a series of moments, and my still undying love for her.
When my knees knew the floor, my eyes new patience and tears.

When we both struggled from opposite ends of the country. Surviving it thanks to the pull.

And we both made it through.