I wish I knew
How to do this right,
how to make things not a struggle
so hot to not want to look at myself and fight

I see your loveliness
Don’t think I don’t
don’t think I’ve lost faith in you
or that I’ve nothing left for you to own

I have this thing called us
I’m always holding it in my hands
so tight I fear maybe I’ll suffocate it
right here where I stand

I can’t overthink you out of my life
my soulmate, my friend, my wife
So afraid of everything but my own strength
I wish I knew how to make it right

standing tall in the breeze
looking 40 years down the road
ignoring the here and now
for doubts of what the future holds

Forgive me for pushing you away
I see doors closing when I look your way
I fear tracks covered by snow behind me
and dying a thousand deaths today

I wish I knew how to break a circle
with no crack or seam to stick something in
to pry it apart
and end this dreadful sin

I wish I knew
How to not be me today