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Quiet Bastard

She takes gentle steps

she has a gentle smile

she gently tries to assure me

that I’m somehow worthwhile

She has quiet laughter

and I’m a quiet bastard

she gently tries to assure me

that I don’t have to run faster

to keep her by my side

but I feel I have to be the greatest me

that I can possibly find a way to be

if I have any chance at all

of keeping her face the first I see

In the morning light

She doesn’t think so

but I’m a quiet bastard

but that gentle smile, gentle touch, gentle love

is all I need to last

through this life

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masochist

I seem to be stuck thinking
there’s something wrong with how I’m seen
that my ship’s somehow sinking
and I’m falling out of my tree

instant comparisons
logic held on with hairpins
but it seems like stone solid fact to me

and I won’t allow myself to reach for you
I don’t deserve the shine of your touch
I’m punishing myself, but you feel it too
but your so good, so beautiful, I need it so much

I seem to be so damn sure and positive
that I’ve laid too much at your door
that you’ve gone past what you should give
and I’ve no right to ask for more

keeping some kind of score
of what should be behind closet doors
I see it as one, but it’s no threat to me

and I’m going through withdrawal, gave myself hell
I’ve made myself keep you at arm’s reach
cause you’re feeling the isolation I’ve given myself
It’d be so damn easy to repair the breach

For the first time in my life
the answer’s easy, and a good thing to measure
taking the edge off guilt’s knife
by giving in to you, giving in to pleasure

Home

I never put down stakes anywhere
my roots never had time to grow

even when they were buried for long
they had somewhere else to go

never was part of anything before
never laid claim to any scene

no photos of my smiling face anywhere
no signature on any event to be seen

no place called home in 4 decades
a nomadic father on a paranoid run

always wishing for what others had
staying alive for only my son

Most of my past is so easy to forget
I’m only a great liar to myself
I gave what I could to the only one deserving
the rest I kept on my own rotting shelf

will he ever know what I gave him
only in time will I really know
until he brings his spirit back to me
for Now I’ll have to let it go

but thanks to you
I’m living in the present

I seem to have solid ground under me now
for the first time ever in my life
I’ve never known this kind of pride before
though the last few years have edges like knives

I now think I know what “home” means
at least when I say it, it feels true
it means what it’s supposed to now
for under it’s roof is you…..

The Defenders

there are moments
moments among layers

from my deepest emotion
to my most vocal thoughts

There are concerns
worries among love

from my haunted closet
to hair drying out

and you’re where I turn
so I don’t burn
You’re the only one I’ve known
only place to go

There are pains
symbolic or bleeding

you have the courage
to repair my lack of breeding

there are nightmares
I roll in my sleep

only you’ve had the guts to fight them
surface level or buried deep

and you’re where I run
if there’s evil at the door
or if I’m haunted by my own bones
something or nothing more

I can protect
the one who guards my wounded heart
I have no fear of fighting
any who mistreated you from the start

Woe be to those
who tread on your shimmering soul
for I’m to defend it
anywhere it goes

for you protect me
yeah, you protect me…..

When I Look

When I looked at you
with the weight of my want
Did you feel

Like You made me feel?

Breathing inconsistent
heat in odd places
tingling that just wouldn’t stop

When I put my hands on you
with the strength of my crave
Did you feel

anything like my own pull?

Heart thrashing
palms soaking wet
tingling that just wouldn’t stop

running into you
wasn’t unlike diving
into warm water

closed my eyes and jumped

because it’s the only thing
that made me feel right

When I looked
When I wanted
when I needed….

Never known anything
like you’ve done to me
even from 1000 miles away

and my heart couldn’t take it
if I’d never been able to know
what it’s like to wrap up

within you

We were just in time
to find the rhyme
for the words our bodies created

Hands on your spine
motions rocking in line
until our hungers were sated

Our Certainty

I felt this way long ago
When we said goodnight
electronic messages written by us but so alone

First thoughts of you
When waking up
Illuminated by the Dim dawn light
Of a cell phone

Stark reminder of what we’d been through
Modern day flashback of love and pain
Came roaring back like a living nightmare
As I drove off into the Oklahoma rain

At least know we can erase it
At least now there’s certainty
Feels like forever but it’s short time
Til you and me

Perspectives been given
Illustration drawn and handed out
There is no pain like this
There’s no doubt

I know there’s nothing like you
Walking this earth
I’m lucky you belong to me

I know you’ve given me
More than I’m worth
Staying together is our certainty

The Miles

Miles are time
I know this from experience
When I’m away from you

I don’t feel like I’m breathing

We came together
As we were a country apart
Now that we’ve been one

It’s you that I’m needing

Know that I’m having phantom pains
My heart is aching turning me blue
But how can I feel this incredible pain
When I left it behind with you?

Left tears in my trail
As my car rolled further away
I saw the feelings from long ago

I didn’t feel like I could breathe

I look at your gorgeous face
On my phone screen wanting to touch it
I remembered the longing I used to know

I have déjà vu of that need

Know that I miss you as bad as you do me
My soul is angry, a feeling not new
But how can I know what it feels
When its in the room next to you

God how I miss you, your grace
I need to see you, look at your face
Hear your voice, your calming words
The love that makes my heart race

Don’t cry love, and I will try not to
And I’ll be home to you soon…..

through my eyes

You’re some kind of a gift
and all this around you is yours
if only you know what belonged to you
was the universe

I don’t want
what you don’t offer
because I’m not even worthy of that

See yourself through my eyes

You’re everything one could want in a woman
and my heart glows that I am yours
only I could grasp that belonging to you
was the universe

I just want
you to take what I offer
though you’re worthy of far more than that

Please, See yourself through my eyes

Just because no one let you know
doesn’t mean it’s not true
no matter how you look, or where you go
the stars in the sky belong to you

and I condemn those before
for not telling you or showing you how
the sun rises and sets on you
but I’m letting you know now

You couldn’t see it
I’m sorry that you didn’t
Everyone else should have illustrated the fact

But I’m using my pen to show
that Your mirror holds heaven
and I’ll spend my life showing you just that.

woman, sit high on the pedestal
that I am looking upon
I’m here to erase the ignorance of others
be my sky from now on

The angels should be bowing to you
See yourself through my eyes
and you would know this to be true

I can’t find a way to breathe
when it’s that “face” I see
my fingertips touch her skin
and want turns into need

There’s places my mind has gone
that it’s never been before
I could be a starving man
and I wouldn’t crave food more

from the moment it first happened
to hell with explanations
waiting 5 more seconds for her
I’d consider procrastination

I can’t hold back
and I don’t want to
I didn’t know this would happen
the day I fell for her

Times giving in to it
If there was a wall
I’d blast my way through it

that face, that sound
shortness of breath
and I’m burning straight down

she likes to thrill me
and give herself to me
it’s dropping a match into kerosene

I have to move her, lift her
turn her all around
admire her from every angle

all the while she holds a crown

because I can’t hold back
and I don’t want to
I didn’t know this would happen
the day I fell for her

She’s a queen, a goddess
full of redemption, full of honor
She’s a succubus, a siren
temptation, allure,  how I want her

all the more because I love her

and as I’m worshipping the ground
that she walks on
as I’m considering it a blessing
to know her sweat

she is everything I’ve ever wanted
Wouldn’t trade this for heaven
even though I don’t know what heaven is yet

cashing in early
easier to sleep than live

sleeping on a sofa
drenched in longing

last thing seen before sleep
first thing seen before standing

IMG_0990

don’t know how I did it
I have no clue

I could only close them
after they had seen you