Archive for January, 2012


Spill the details

so tell me true,

How does it feel, to know

you hold the key to someone else’s lock

You’re the stage manager

of his complicated show

to know he can’t make decisions

in which you are in no way involved

that without your guiding lifelight

none of his mysteries would be solved

 

That in the short time you’ve been around

You’ve kept his ship from running aground

 

It has to be a satisfying sensation

to know you’ve returned a decades-dead smile

to a sheen,  a luster displayed on his face

that people he’s known all of his life

wonder about it’s history, one they need to trace

it has to feel so good

to realize a soul hundreds of miles away

owes his life to you

forever, and not just this day

 

Tell me it feels good to have the knowledge you carry

Of this man, and the pain he’s decided to bury….

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As she slept

She didn’t know

I played with her hair as she slept

that when she smiled in her dreams

in my chest my heart leapt

She had no clue

as I listened to her breathe

a tear ran down my cheek

because I then knew what I’d need

She’d never guess

that I kissed the back of her head

and smiled that stupid smile

and though awake alone, my cheeks grew red

She had no idea

that as I covered her shoulders

and quietly left the room

I pictured us growing older

She would never figure out

in slumber, it was heaven that she did lend

she put a smile on my face

took my pain, and put it on the mend.

She couldn’t see for herself

for as she slept I admired her all

knew I was the luckiest man ever

my fortune made any pot of gold look small.

At ease

 

It was like

we had just seen each other yesterday

spent time together in some old fashioned way

that smile, that look

felt right

……

It was like

we had held hands last, just that morning

wrapped up together in the dawn’s roaring

that kiss, that embrace

felt perfect

…….

It was like

we had fallen asleep together in another life

many decades ago, perhaps husband and wife

that comfort, that confidence

felt timeless

……..

It is now as if

she had been meant to be with me

for despite ourselves, we were at ease

that knowledge, that second sense

was inarguable

………

For now we know

how it feels when the other isn’t there

a broken, hollow feeling with no hope of repair

that ache, that breathless pain

is unacceptable

……….

and shall never be again.

 

Babe, I couldn’t  wait
til you typed what you had to say next
I just told you I loved you
my breathing stopped until I got your text….

I closed my eyes as it vibrated, and exhaled….

….and she loved me too
10 months of wondering
sleeping in pain
now I smile all the way through

What is next, how do we move?

Now we were in uncharted waters
navigating through uncertainty
illicit conversations when we were both free
texting from corners, where others eyes can’t see

It grew fast, out of control
from an undecided status to knowing
without a shadow of a doubt
that together is the only way we were going

We had to shake loose, break some ties
stumbling out of unhappiness through it’s cold door
accused of wrong, maybe snubbed for lies
She’s all I wanted, would accept no less, no more

It’s amazing how fast we brought out hands together
made decisions, and all the storms we weathered
that heavy fog is burning off, and the sky is clearing
the day we blend together is quickly nearing.

An hour in the kitchen

A year validated in one wrap of the arms

happy feeling the sweater static on my palms

scent, eyes, and embrace again

this is how it added up

this is how comfortable we are,

never a doubt, from the  inside out

an hour in the kitchen,  and life is worth living

erased every thought, but the ones of you

You looked up at me, I down at you

Letting go was a chance

one neither of us was willing to take,

not at this moment

as I backed up against the countertop, my arms holding tighter

no kiss, just your cheek to my chest

never mind the rest

just contentment, a recheck of the eyes

foreheads doing what we knew they would do

I was never more comfortable than I was with you

Never brought to focus and balance

than when you’re arms came around

and I reached out with mine

everything was as if it were timed

every word had a rhyme

we were just fine…..

This was conceived deep in the core of the winter of 2010, when at 10 pm she and I would sneak out into the night and look to the sky.  Together, though separated by parts of four states.  Connected by the miracle of the telephone, if we were lucky, or the Godsend of text messaging, we looked up at the moon, to the stars, or to the overcast, and acknowledged it as  “our sky”.

Because no matter the distance, we took comfort in the fact that we were indeed standing under and staring at the same sky.

“Happy 2011, my love.”

This was then written during the summer of 2011, during those glowing moments when I was allowed to break through. Those beautiful, aching, brief hours during warm summer evenings, I outside, pacing through damp spring-laden grass, …she, her grace,  inside her home, 900 miles away,  seated on the kitchen floor.

And I would burst through, smashing the glass and metal of restraint with fury, making the phone ring, feeling passion and love like I had never before, kindled, and then unbridled.

When contact, so sweet, so needed, was made…..when we could breathe together, hear each other laugh, cry together, and fight the battle together for once in lieu of  apart.

When we struggled to say goodnight, and when we did, we knew power in this.

When We listened.

Now it is somewhat prophetic.

The sky to the south

looks like home

for the answer lies there

and anywhere I may go

the sky shows me

where love has settled in

and where it did begin

Set free to believe

like I did when I was a kid

when I thought I had a chance

I need to go

where my heart asks, where it demands

and for the first time

I’m listening to it.

Never?

 

I’ve read lines like it before in books

heard it whispered on the silver screen

Never gave it credence or a second look

because I never connected it to reality

 

and in the films of romance,

“I never knew it could be like this”

 

I rolled my eyes, for I did not believe

thought the words merely the stuff of dreams

and so I cast my fate to a somber breeze

and hoped it would see fit to set me free

 

and in the glowing words of sonnets,

“I never knew I could feel this way”

 

My heartbeat slowed, and my sight grew dim

trudging along, in a robotic funk

wondering whose life I had settled in

feeling like a surrounded ship, waiting to be sunk

 

and sung in the teary joyful song,

“I never knew how it could be”

 

But contact can be made

lit up screens late at night

tiny words on hand held devices

can bring hearts back to life

 

Another can indeed light and stoke a flame

make you shiver at the sound of her name

occupy your thoughts, inhabit your dreams

Lift you up, removing your pain

 

“What is this that I’m feeling?”

 

and the lips press together as never before, a new thing you feel

breathless nature and gasping eyes

just because you don’t recognize it, it doesn’t mean it isn’t real

and the feeling is truth, better than someone’s written lies

 

“It can and will be like this forever”

 

Why wasn’t she given

everything she ever wanted

I hate to think

that she didn’t hold the world in her hands

and how dare anyone

not be at her feet?

I really love her

more than I love myself

and I’m not good enough for her

but at least I know that fact

I will try to give her the smile

she should have always been wearing

at least I will prevent

others from taking her for granted

from acting like she is theirs

for she is no one’s, really

she is far better than all of that

and I’m run down

I’m not what I should have been

but if she would be happier than she once was

than I did the best I could do

she should have even better than that

but it is all that I have

and she doesn’t have to ask.

 

Angel,

I know you turned a major page in the story of your life today.

We both have now.

We are currently setting ourselves up to link forever.

I can think of no better, kinder, understanding, generous, funny, or beautiful person in the world than you.  I hope as we go forward together, I can be as much the man you need me to be as you are already everything I ever wanted.  I love you so much.

 

Thank you for taking the next step in life with me.

 

Love your eternal sugar bear

Robert Shane

comeback

…..and she brought my smile back….it was in my heart attic, under a layer of dust, the color of gray…..a little touch, a little kiss, a little encouragement, and like the tin man, it works again…..