It was always yours

Some have  said you stolen it

took it as if you were a thief

Others said I gave what wasn’t mine

like a gift wrapped up tight and neat

 

Many have said this heart of mine

was kept locked away in a vault

when like a cat burglar, you snatched it

an assisted criminal and I was also at fault

 

but they can rethink their thoughts

they should rephrase their words

despite the years and all the miles

this heart of mine was always yours

 

Some have said I did the wrong thing

and I’ve had ringing in my ears

you’d have thought I burned the Taj Mahal down

or caused the Mona Lisa tears

 

I’ve been accused of highway robbery

of being one born to steal

as if I was a criminal of the worst kind

and should be dining on my last meal

 

but those thoughts and words

roll off my back and on down the line

they may try, but the stabs don’t burn

because your heart was always mine.

White Knuckle

There’s a glow from over there

She had lain in it before

I’ve never felt that way

She kept my bed warm

 

It was three days with an angel

and it was over so soon

She’s a ghost for me now

haunting from midnight to noon

 

Everyplace she stood, she’s standing there now

 

I’m smelling her everywhere

candles burn so bright I can’t see

I can’t shake the images of the place she’s been

she’s filling the spaces now empty

 

and I feel sick

because this house is empty

and I can’t share this

 

too much time on my hands

too many places to stand

where she was with her smile

I hate this place, hate the miles

 

I can’t drive away

because she was in the passenger seat

So I run to the back 40

a place we’d never taken time to meet

 

Because missing her is enough

almost more than I can take

Dealing with her memory is too much

waiting for warmth to melt snowflakes

 

because she was here in Winter

 

dying light through the windows makes pain

rising sun through the curtains creates shadow stains

I’m thanking God for the moments she filled my door

because I never needed anything more

and I knew this would happen when the plane lifted off

but there’s no one to hand it to that won’t scoff

 

and I feel sick

because this house is empty

and I can’t share this

 

September 2010

Walls of pine
2x4s surround me
Stifling heat begins to grow
listening to Jack White telling me things I need to know

Oil stains on the floor
reminiscent of black blood
waiting for the next day
when your messages will be enough

Seen through a haze the pills create
only highlight in my work day is your words
restraining myself from saying what I feel
I can’t explain how your “goodnight” burns

And you’re giving me all you can
you don’t know that I am a dying man
you can’t see me as I sink into the dark
you’ve given me all you can but I want your heart

I think I’m falling in love
so incredibly frustrating
and it’s so goddamn new
you’ve given all you can,
the best of you

and I’m coming for the rest

Under the radar

I was here close to you

a quarter century back

a few miles, a few years

that somehow we lost track

a humming feeling I didn’t recognize then

was a familiarity I sure as hell see now

You were on the other side of the wall

a scratching and whisper I heard somehow

under the radar

last half of my life, everything’s been wrong

unfinished books, half written songs

It should have been you,  should have been us

now we have to adjust on the fly,

as what would have been fresh now grows rust

childhood lovers, high school sweethearts

puppy love, and all those soulmate terms

apply to us as we begin in our fourth decade

the two behind us really still burn

You’re everything I ever wanted

and I would easily die for you

It should have been when we were kids

that this was all brand new

I’m giving you myself now

something I didn’t know what to do with

I should have been here, and you there

you’ve handed all you are to me

for years, something you were unsure about

it’s all right now, but it still isn’t fair

we gathered late at night

a thousand miles apart, looking at stars

missing someone, needing something that we just missed

that flew under the radar….

What did you see?

You’ve known some faces
With standing and image
There’s much that you have seen

Things that make many gasp
Places with glow and sheen

Youve Been around this marble
Experienced some light and sound

I feel like an invalid compared to you
Like I’ve been tied to the ground

That being said
And the mistakes I’ve made
Holes I’ve dug for myself

Never was recognized outside my house
Never incurred any wealth

What was in my eyes that night
When my face flashed on your screen

What was in my words I typed
That made you see what you saw

In me

I can’t compare to those you’ve known
Or many places you’ve been

Despite my lack of self worth
Falling just short of a sin

And I wonder how your gorgeous face
Brightened just a bit at my smile

When I know it can’t compare
To the faces you’ve seen, nor the miles

I’m wondering how you knew
With just a Jpeg and a quip

That I’d need you close to me
Attached at the hip

What was in my eyes that night
When my face flashed on your screen

What was in my words I typed
That made you see what you saw

In me

Worth the Wait

Looking back through that clouded path

 

I was down, bloodied knuckles from breaking free

because I wanted what I smelled you could give me

Knew it wouldn’t be easy without you there

living like a nomad, others emptying my veins, as I was gasping for air

struggling through silence

struggling through wondering

How

You

Are…..

 

and the silence ended, wounds were mended, I saw your pretty face, golden smile

even if through the camera’s eye

then God’s breath was on us for 3 days during a wet winter blast….

followed quickly by a hellborne agony of a goodbye….

‘

and a nightmare of withdrawal…..

 

Now we’re together, every day

hate being apart, physically or emotionally

and we wonder how we made it through all of that

tears, fears, and unknown weight of wait.

clawing through endless “wondering of when” like an obsessed cat

 

I guess we knew somehow, some way

it would be like it is